Why do we think by the age of 40 we have to have life figured out?
Think about it: We spend our childhood waiting to be 14-years-old and then 16-years-old. Later we anticipate adulthood and turning 18-years-old…only to want to be 21-years-old to legally drink…only to then want to be 25-years-old to stay at hotels or rent a car without an additional fee.
If adulting technically doesn’t start until we’re 25-years-old, and the age for women to have children before they are called “geriatrics” is 34-years-old…do we only have 10 years of adult life?
If that is the case by society standards, it’s time for society to have a makeover.
This frame of logic puts us on a hamster wheel that has us losing our minds about being in our 40s and potentially wasting our lives—or worse, dreading getting older.
Here’s the thing: There is no way life can be figured out in ten years.
If you’re like me, you spent your 20s living with very questionable decisions, and by your 30s you’re living with the consequences of those decisions. My story went like this: I was married by 23, a mom by 24, and chased my career every year until my 20s ran out. That left me feeling unsure of myself as I entered my 30s as I didn’t know if I had enough time to regroup and live the life that I wanted for myself and children. By society’s standards I did everything right, right? I was a married young mom, only for it to end in divorce. Then against society’s standard I was a geriatric mom at 36 with a new husband, and couldn’t have been happier.
The older I got, the more I realized that it is society who puts this pressure to meet an invisible deadline. I think about how society tells us we should say yes to purchasing a house as soon as possible; yes to opening a savings account; and yes to worrying about the future by creating a will or college funds for your kids…but what happens if you have to start over?
Maybe it was a sudden divorce, death in the family, or other life event that took control out of your hands. And maybe it made you feel like you don’t have things figured out because you spent your 20s and 30s caring for your children, your career you didn’t love, but not caring about yourself enough.
That can be a lot to process, and understandably can lead to stress and anxiety about how much time we have left to “get it together.”
Well, there’s good news, mama: You still have time.
While there’s beauty in growing older and wiser, sometimes we might fear growing older all the same.
It’s a natural part of life but if you find yourself getting anxious about aging, you’re not alone. We’re here to comfort you with the fact that there’s still happiness to be found in your life no matter how old you are—and how to find that happiness!
Here are 3 tips to beat your fears around aging so you can live a healthy and happy life.
1. Be Honest With Yourself
There’s no reason to ignore your concerns about aging as your emotions are real and valid. We won’t pretend there aren’t harsh realities that come with growing old, but the good news is you don’t have to let your feelings about it bring you down.
Acknowledge your negative emotions on aging. Then take the next step to make peace with them as you give yourself grace to shift those emotions into positive ones.
Related: 10 Ways to Unclutter Your Mind
2. Reflect With Gratitude
Positive emotions like relief, joy, and excitement can come from remembering to take the time to practice gratitude.
Reflect on your life and the things that you are thankful for. Whether it’s your family, your health, or your passions, take a moment to remember your blessings and how they contribute to the quality of your life.
From there, you’re able to open your mind to all the beautiful things your life has to offer now and in the future.
3. Celebrate Your Youth
Speaking of what your life has to offer, one of the main reasons we fear aging could be fear of missing out. We may worry we might get too old to do the activities we enjoy, spend time with our children, and even manifest our dreams.
This is where it’s important to celebrate your youth. We don’t mean just taking a trip down memory lane with old photos of yourself, but truly embracing your inner-child and seeking that joy in your life now.
Here a few ways to celebrate your youth every day:
- Start back a hobby you enjoyed. Life has a way of sometimes making us too busy to sit back, relax, and indulge in our passions. Rediscover a hobby you liked to do as a child or start a new one you’ve been curious about, like writing or drawing.
- Try a new adventure that gets you outside. Hiking, scuba-diving, in-door rock climbing, or anything creative that gives you a rush with fresh air and sun surrounding you.
- Navigate problems with a positive mindset. It’s easy to let negative thoughts take over when we get anxious. Take a step back and look at the problem with a positive approach. Start with positive affirmations like “I can tackle this from a different angle” or “I will give myself patience and grace to figure this out.” Then explore healthy coping mechanisms that fuel your desire to find a solution. This can be journaling, exercising, or talking to a friend.
Remember: You’re never too old to try new things as it keeps you young at heart!
If you’ve been feeling aging anxiety after turning 40, here’s a gentle reminder that it’s perfectly normal to have and express those feelings. Just keep in mind, as well, that each day is a chance to live your best life and embrace yourself.
How will you embrace making the most out of your day today? Let us know in the comments!
4 thoughts on “3 Tips to Overcome Aging Anxiety”
Thank you for sharing this beautiful unfiltered post. If more people would share stuff like this maybe it can change the way society sees women over 35. Men can be CEOs and make babies well into their 70s/80s but for women we are done after 40. Craziness!
I’m 59 years old with the body and spirit of when I was maybe 20s. Ladies, never listen to the garbage the media or Google tells you. Growing older is not a curse or bad thing. The later stage of your life is the best because you are able to LIVE YOUR ADULT LIFE. Life happens after 45. By then you are stable with your career, your financially independent, you are crushing your goals and more conscious about your health. Life is amazing! Because you wake up everyone ready to celebrate life without giving two fucks! Idk why society will have you believe that your body falls apart after a certain age. People are nuts!!!!!
It saddens me when I see women on social media complaining about growing old. It just tells me that our society still has a long way to go with bringing awareness to aging gracefully. It’s a blessing from God. to age and watch the generations. 40 is definitely not old, you’re in that middle arena. You’re young enough to make babies, go back to school, make mistakes or old enough to have your life completely figured out.
Besides, whenever someone tells me they feel old, I refer them to Google some of these amazing black women in their 40s, 50s, 60s who are doing the damn things. Look at Beyonce still dancing selling out arenas is she too old for that? J.Lo body would put most 20 something year old to shame. Gabrielle Union, Taraji P. Henson, Ashanti, just to name a few who are all aging gracefully. Why? Because they decided to not care what others think. Fall in love and be happy!
Thank you for speaking about this. Like you, I was a young mom, and then “old mom”. I had my first son at 22, and then 32, 36, and now I’m pregnant again at 43. People ask me all the time why I wanted to start over, even though this wasn’t a planned pregnancy I’m grateful that my body blessed me with the gift. I don’t feel old too old at all to give more lessons and raise a great kid. People are so worried that having kids in your forties will not give them enough time with their children, but the true is whether you are 43 or 23, you never know when your time is up. A 23 year old can only live to be 30, while a 43 year old may live to be 90. Whose to say? That’s why I wake up everyday pray and do what makes “me” happy.