xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: My husband and I have been married for over ten years. We got married in our last twenties when we were still figuring out life. Now, in our last thirties he is still in the same place. He is comfortable with his career and position in life. For me, I want more. I’ve built an amazing online business for myself and am ready to expand not only in business but life. I want to get a bigger home, another car, put the kids in private school etc. He doesn’t and he’s holding me back from doing those things. I don’t know if he feels intimidated or genuinely doesn’t want me to do it for fear of financial stability. What should I do?
Answer:
There is a saying that we change every 7 years so this is normal. We all grow and evolve. What we like in our 20’s may not be what we like in our 30’s. Ergo, it’s important that every 7 years or so couples get together and “see where they are ” because people will always have dreams and goals. And as a couple, you need to communicate with each other where you are, how you feel and what direction you want to go at this stage in your life. If your partner is contempt, that’s good. If you are not, you need to articulate why and figure out how you two can continue to journey together, despite the changes.
Related article: xoSelf: My Wife is Overly Jealous of my Sports Career
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.