xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf:
In the same month, my ex-husband moved out and my son went away to college. I am terrified of being alone, living alone and dying alone. I am super social and involved in alot of social events – but when I come home I feel super alone. I’m angry with my family for leaving me. I’m more angry at myself that I couldn’t make my marriage work, but that is only an excuse I tell myself because I know the marriage was shit. I’m only holding on to having a warm body to lay next to it. Help me; how do I be single and start over?
Answer:
I am sorry to hear all of this. There is a saying that goes that with every year invested in someone you may need two times that to recover from them. That is to say, It is extremely important for you to take time for yourself to recover from years of parenting and being a wife. Instead of looking at what you lost, consider thinking what you gained back – time! Take this time to get to know you today by doing things you have been holding back such as a hobby, traveling, writing a book, etc. Consider this a new beginning!
Related article: xoSelf: I only have Online Friends and Feel so Alone
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.