Learning to trust someone to stay close when you want to pull away
“I’m scared to love.”
“I’m scared you will hurt me. I’m scared I will hurt you…”
“I’m scared to let my guard down.”
How many times have these thoughts entered your mind when dating someone?
Open communication heals the fear of trusting someone wholeheartedly to let go.
I have been binge-watching interviews with Wallstreet Trapper all week. If you’ve never heard of him, he is a New Orleans native who was allowed a conversation with a cellmate during his 10-year prison sentence. It inspired him to learn about and dedicate his life to promoting financial literacy. He is currently considered a wealth-building expert by respected entrepreneurs like Tom Bilyeu. I am not sure what I had been watching that caused him to be recommended to me, but I am so happy his name came up in my YouTube algorithm!
There was something he said during his interview on the Hardly Initiated podcast that inspired me to write. He was speaking about his path to being a better man and the vulnerability he desired to have with the woman who wanted to walk with him on that journey.
He said the conversation he would want to have with a woman would go something like this: “I’m still working on myself. Let’s have a conversation. Let me tell you my weaknesses, yo. Let me tell you what I’m working on. I’m scared of love…I need you to work with me. Sometimes I’ma pull away, but if I pull away, don’t run from me. Bring me to you, because I’m trusting you.”
First…wow! I had to pause the video and let that sink in. Then replay it a few times. He allowed his communication to heal him from making the same previous mistakes.
How often have we mustered up the courage to expose ourselves to someone, only for that exposure to be met with criticism, ridicule, laughter, judgment, or correction? Why do we have to say to someone in moments where we just need their ear, “Hey, I just needed you to listen!”?
How many times have you been in love and wanted to share the part of you that you held in isolation, but feared rejection? How many times have you spilled your heart, only to gaze into the eyes of a person that clearly wanted to run? What do you do in situations like this? Do you shrink away and make a vow to never open yourself up to anyone again? Do you build a harder shell around your heart?
I know, I know. You would think that people would handle you with honor and treat you delicately when you trust them enough to divulge your private thoughts and fears. Unfortunately, not everyone has the capacity to take care of fragile packages. Not everyone deserves your communication healing journey.
However, I want to encourage you to sharpen your discernment. We must be able to trust our instincts and build our esteem to a point where we can handle disappointments in our expectations. For some, that is a process that may take a bit longer. Take your time! Don’t worry about comparing yourself to anyone other than the person standing in that freshly-shined mirror in front of you.
Once you feel that you have done your best to be ready, step out on Faith and be confident in the fact that you deserve love.
You deserve someone who can hear your heart.
There is someone kindly walking away from someone else, in anticipation of walking into you. There is someone who is not spoken for but would like to speak to you.
Do you believe that? I need you to believe that! I need you to know that! It is so easy to feel that you are the biggest vessel of mess; but you’re not. Perfection is an overrated word. Duck when you hear someone asking you to be it.
You’re lovable as you are! You’re adorable as you are! You can love and be loved! So, when you bump into that person who understands that…I challenge you to not to pull away, but stay close!
Ené Kneya is a writer and founder of publishing company, Ené Kneya, LLC. Ené Kneya is a mom of a wonderful son that inspires her to continue doing great things! Her faith fuels her daily. When she is not writing, Ené Kneya is teaching, a passion that started at five-years-old. She would use stuffed animals as students to practice her lesson plans and public speaking. Ené Kneya is excited to share her passions and teachings through writing here on a Curvy Mom Blog! Find more of her work at https://enekneya.wordpress.com and soon on www.enekneya.com.
6 thoughts on “Learning to Trust”
Trust is such a huge part of my life journey right now; in my friendships and love life.
Thank you Ene, how did you learn to trust your partner with your feelings?
I am waiting for that right partner that I can feel comfortable enough with to share my deep feelings like this. Good to luck everyone and cheers to having hope.
Good for you Bonnie!
To Unknown,
I think first I had/have to remember to trust myself. Making sure I was not questioning his ability to be trusted based on something I needed to work on. And watching how he handles himself and other people. Good luck to you in your trust journey!
Good luck to you too Toni!