Don’t Let these Five Reasons Stop You from Leaving an Unhealthy Relationship   

Love entered my life at a point when I wasn’t looking. I remember meeting my ex-husband and becoming so full of life and love that it was like a drug addiction. I was on a constant high and had no signs of stopping.

The height of a relationship with a healthy partner can elevate you and your life in more ways than you can imagine. You’re working out together, building goals, planning a future, making decisions together as a team – and then something happens, and your once happy healthy relationship turns toxic.

At this point, you’re so deep in the height of love that you can’t see yourself from the outside. You can’t see your partnership has turned into a toxic relationship. Your brain is clouded, you can’t sleep, you’re unmotivated, irritable, snappy, constantly nagging, an emotional wreck. Maybe you are strong enough to hide the addiction and put on a front for the public or maybe you are slowly losing yourself in front of the ones you love. Either way your toxic relationship has left you wanting to leave, but you have fear, you have doubt, you have uncertainty, you have questions.

*I am not a licensed therapist and if you are having any harmful thoughts about yourself or others, please use this link to find your National Hotline resource.*

Don’t Let These Five Reasons Stop you from Leaving an Unhealthy Relationship

1. Fear of never finding love again. 

I found myself so withdrawn and unhappy in my life, I started to daydream about life after divorce. The fear that stopped me in my tracks was starting over again. Would I find happiness again with someone else? Would they love me the same and I end up divorced again? Would I find no one?

These thoughts are normal, beautiful, lovely. You will find love again when the time is right, but your focus in the beginning is learning to love yourself again. Find a strong support group and therapist to unpack your feelings that you’ve buried by being in this toxic relationship. Once you are happy and complete with yourself, go find that new relationship boo!

2. Financial Stability 

Feeling financially secure is a strong safety net that you have grown attached to. My ex-husband and I shared a joint account that both our checks were deposited into. I’m not going to lie, I would spend my check and his {budgeting is another blog lol}, but I was comfortable knowing that with both our incomes we had enough to maintain our lifestyle and do things we loved. Leaving him meant a complication in my life that I was accustomed to living. I would suffer and my children would suffer if I left.

Leaving a toxic relationship will require your life to be uncomfortable for a while. The best way to get financially secure with one income is to create a budget for yourself. Reduce unnecessary costs (i.e., subscriptions, take-out, etc.) wherever you can. If you are going to move, reach out to a family member or friend with extra space you can stay with for a few months while you transition. If staying with a relative or friend isn’t an option, check out smaller or budget friendly apartments or room shares. Remember that leaving an unhealthy relationship isn’t ideal and neither is what’s coming down the pipeline afterwards. But that’s okay, you can make this work. You are strong and with the right support you can tackle ending this relationship and refinding your happiness.

Don’t be afraid to ask for your help!

3. Children/Partnership

Having children can complicate leaving a bad situation. Sometimes you consider staying for the sake of the children to keep the structure and routine for them. You convince yourself to possibly stay until they are a bit older to understand or until they move out completely. Honey, life is short! You have a right to put yourself first and be happy. Your children, with your support, will understand that hard choice you must make.

Some people will call me selfish, but I had to do what was best for me and my mental peace. My ex-husband refused to leave our shared apartment even though the toxic relationship was taking a toll on both our mental health. I left him with the children and secured a place where I could find my peace and happiness again. I was no good to myself or my children in that toxic environment. I was able to still be a mom and a part of my children’s life every day, but I had a safe space that I could go to and build up for my children to come.

In the beginning of leaving a toxic relationship, you will see more clouds and rainstorms than sun, but the sun does come out eventually.

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4. Obligation

Being in a relationship can feel like an obligation you cannot walk away from after a while. You feel the pressures of continuing to run the household, to continuing trying in hopes for improvement. One of you may have fallen sick and you’re staying out of gratitude or guilt. You begin to think more about how your partner would feel and be affected if you left than your happiness on the other side.

You will feel that you must stay out of obligation, not love. Several people hide the true nature of their relationship behind something they are afraid to face. As a result, you will suffer in silence, because the fear of letting go is holding you back. During this time, seek professional help to assist you navigating through letting go of a toxic relationship.

5. Comfort Box 

It is natural to want to stay in a relationship for the benefits and perks. Your children remain under one roof; you may not smile every day, but you know that someone is coming home to you; you have financial security, you have support in some way or the other. In better words, you’re comfortable. You’ve built a comfortable life, and you are questioning yourself about why you should give this up; is it that bad? You’re thinking that the lifestyle you have outweighs the need for a healthy vibrant relationship.

I agree, maybe your life is great, and things can improve with the right help. Things can only get better though, if two people make a choice to show up for the relationship. You cannot heal a toxic relationship alone. You can’t do the work for your partner; they have to show up and want to make a change. Otherwise, you are stuck in the infinity loop on a constant rollercoaster ride of hurt and pain. A comfortable lifestyle can be rebuilt again on your own and your own terms, if you are ready to make the change.

Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? Share below how you were able to walk away.