Have you ever had someone hurt you, apologize, then turn around and do the same thing again? Maybe you’ve had someone make a promise and they didn’t keep it even after promising you that this time would be different? Each time leaving you more hurt than before? Now you have a hard time being able to trust people.
Well maybe it isn’t them who is to blame but you. And before you stop reading, hear me out.
Sometimes we expect too much of others when they’ve always been who they are. We know him to be a liar yet each time we expect him to follow through on what he said he’d do. We know she isn’t dependable but every time she says she will be there and we expect her to, she pulls a no call, no show. The fact of the matter is, you knew he was lying and you knew she wasn’t going to show up.
It isn’t them, beloved, it’s you and you have to adjust your expectations to fit that person. Didn’t your grandma tell you to believe what they show you?
See, if you adjust your expectations you will not be as hurt when they don’t show up, keep a promise, or when they lie to you. When you expect a person to act as they normally would, you don’t get hurt when they actually do what they always do.
Take the following example: You have a roommate named Marsha. She is a loud, animated talker who gets even louder when she drinks. You invite her to your company’s holiday party and expect her to be on her best behavior. After all, it’s your company’s holiday party. Two hours and four drinks later, Marsha can be heard from the parking lot. Now, your boss and coworkers are giving you this look because they are more embarrassed than you are. The next day, when Marsha finally wakes up and tells you how much fun she had, you are livid. Her response: “What?”
You expected Marsha to act accordingly and Marsha may have had the best intentions not to behave as she normally does but it’s what she always does. Does it make you right and her wrong? No, but if you expected Marsha to act differently then you should have told her or left her at home.
Another thing, you can’t expect people to give you what you want or treat you how you want to be treated if you never tell them.
You’re upset with James because you expected him to know what you were looking for in a relationship. You want him to open doors, pull out chairs, give you a hug at the end of a date, and know your favorite flower because it was on your dating profile but have you stopped to have a conversation about all this?
If the answer is no then how can you expect him to know? That’s like going to a restaurant and expecting the waiter to know how you like your steak cooked. If you don’t open your mouth, you will get it as it’s usually served; medium rare.
You have to adjust your expectations to fit the person, especially if this is how they always act. When you don’t, you run the risk of being hurt, deeper, every time they do not do what you expect them to.
And although we can’t expect a person to always act as we desire them to, don’t ever be afraid to voice your expectations and give them the choice whether to meet them or not.