We like to believe that when we start actively dating someone the chances of it going south are slim to none. It’s that hopeful side to us, maybe the mystical-too-many-Hallmark-movies side of us that wants to believe our soul mate is out there. When someone presents themselves as magic, it is impossible to imagine anything could go wrong. Sure, there are moments where we question relationships, especially during the rough times, but when couples make it through to the other side, it seems so much more rewarding; it reaffirms this love is meant to last—and then it ends: enter heartbreak.
I recently went through this exact situation. I had finally found someone who was seemingly my intellectual equal; someone I could let my walls down with and actually trust; a relationship that seemed so easy, until it wasn’t. I am sure there were red flags along the way but after some of the hellacious relationships I had been through in the past two decades, these flags seemed so minuscule that I brushed them off.
When it ended, I felt like I had just experienced a death. How would I be able to trust someone again? How would I be able to look in the mirror again? Go to work with a smile and not constantly get sick at the thought of the happiness I once had and all the plans we had made? What was I going to do with all my anger and tears? What I wanted to do was crawl into bed, binge-watch 2 Broke Girls and cry. What the universe had already planned for me was a vacation in Florida and I definitely was not in the Sunshine State of mind. Everyone kept saying that getting away would be amazing and therapeutic but I didn’t believe them. I had already lost my comfort and did not want to leave my comfort zone of home. Reluctantly, I went on the trip with a heavy heart and sick stomach.
The first two days were rough because I was angry but the truth is that getting away really helped. By day three, I was enjoying the sunshine, chips and guacamole poolside, my new tan and the idea that I no longer had to think about someone else in terms of my future. It was liberating. Sure, there were times when I would flash to a happy moment but I also had to stop and think about why the relationship did not work out. He was not the right person for me. Maybe he served a purpose at the time but in the long run, I escaped relatively unscathed.
So, what should you do if your relationship does not work out? You’re entitled to cry; you’re allowed to feel pain and look at photos of when you two were happy and go through a mourning period. But the best thing you can do is get away, even if just for a few days, to clear your head while distracting yourself. Go on a hike, try something new, go to a movie, call up a friend you haven’t seen in a while but who always provides comfort, buy concert tickets, make plans for your next adventure. You are in the driver’s seat and you control where you go from here.
No one can tell you to feel better right away, but staying depressed is just a waste of time, giving the other person power they do not deserve. Take what you learned from the relationship, even the bad, and figure out what you want for the next time around. Do not let one ending hurt a possible new beginning.