xoSelf: Is Perfection a Myth?

xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.

Dear xoSelf: I struggle with attempting to be perfect. I am 30 years old and try my best to live a perfect life; at home, at work, with my friends, etc. I don’t know why I just do. I don’t even know who I am, truly. Instagram has made things really worse for me because I see all the perfection in photos and admire it to be the same way. I thought about getting a therapist, but I am embarrassed. How do I love my imperfections and stop trying to be perfect?  

Answer: There is NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT HUMAN BEING!!!  It is our imperfections that help mold us to become who we really are.  Don’t strive for perfection but instead focus on progress.  Social Media (M.E.D.I.A. = Multi Ethnic Destruction In America) is not the real world so you should not use that as a litmus test for looks let alone the amazing person that you know you are!  Like television, what you are seeing is the “best” photo, video and/or representation of that person and place after numerous attempts to get it “right.” In other words, it is not real.  If social media is a distraction for you then I would recommend taking a hiatus on social media so you can work on yourself. Remember, we are all imperfect perfections of God so what we see on the surface may not always represent what is going inside; what is inside is way more important because the inside is what people don’t see and that is the battle you need to win (not comparing yourself to other people).  

Related article: xoSelf: Guilty for Keeping up with the Business Joneses

Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based
institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he
has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.