We are so excited to partner with Dr. Walter Hidalgo with a goal of being more socially aware. Here, he answers your questions and shares advice on life and wellness while living in a social media-driven world.
DEAR THE VIRGO GIRL,
My son is turning sixteen next month and for his birthday his father and I agreed to buy him a new car and split the car payments, along with a birthday bash. He and I are cordial and able to communicate respectfully and calmly. However, he involves his wife in all his decisions and moves. I get it – that’s his wife and she has a right to know especially with funds are being spent. But first off- she is super frugal and doesn’t feel our son needs to have a new car and a lavish party, then she wants to be there when we go car shopping and involved in the party planning. Now again I’m trying to be respectful and respect her opinions, but my sons’ father is the one who wants to do the party and get the new car. My son is the only child for both of us, so he is a bit spoiled but he’s a great kid. Graduating early, straight A’s no trouble, on the verge of getting a basketball scholarship for college so we won’t even have to pay for that. Hence why we are okay with splurging for this birthday. I need my sons’ father to check his wife but how do I communicate this to him without coming across as a jealous ex?
Advice from Walter: It’s hard to have a solid relationship with three people let alone two. However, somewhere in the middle you three have to meet because ultimately this is about your son, not you (all). So with that being said, instead of you three making these decisions on your own why not involve your son in the process? As parents, we have a tendency to not consult with our own children when it comes to major decisions and planning especially when it involves them. The more we involve them in adult situations the more they will be able to make healthier and more-sound decisions in everything that they do. Maybe all three of you need to come up with options and allow this amazingly smart young person to choose based on each of ya’lls recommendations? And when expressing your thoughts, try to be as transparent as possible (i.e. time, cost, expectations, etc.) so at the end, whatever he decides to do it came from a mentally and emotionally safe space that was filled with trust, rapport, and love.
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