Everyone has one of those mornings. You’re late for work, running on four hours of sleep, and then your toddler spills juice right on your computer. Then – you snap. You might shout, bang doors, hurl insults, and later wonder how on earth you became such an angry person.
Mothers are often expected to be constantly calm, wholesome and nurturing. So, what gives?
Motherhood comes with a truckload of difficulties, and it takes a lot of adjustment to get on top of everything. While lashing out at others is harmful, you shouldn’t hold yourself to an unrealistic standard of never feeling any kind of hostility or aggression.
It takes a lot to admit that you’re dealing with anger. It’s often seen as a shameful thing to experience – how could you be angry when motherhood is such a blessing? But even though you love your child with your whole being, experiencing anger as a mother is a common experience. The first step to tackling uncontrolled anger is admitting that you’re angry. The second step is figuring out why.
Why are You So Angry?
Everyone has unique struggles, so the cause of uncontrolled anger differs. However, there are a few common sources of anger in mothers. If you are a new mother, you may be experiencing hormonal changes that cause postpartum rage. This occurs when you are easily angered and have uncontrollable outbursts in the months following childbirth.
On the other hand, all the practical logistical strains of parenthood may be causing you a level of frustration you never had before. This is something you can experience no matter how old your child is.
The important thing to remember is that anger, like all emotions, is simply a messenger. We tend to think of anger as a negative emotion that we need to hide. The truth is, no emotion is inherently positive or negative. Think of them as lights on your car dashboard. They’re your body’s way of telling you that something has changed. Anger is an emotional reaction to experiencing a threat. It is related to the fight, flight or freeze mechanism. Everyone feels it at some point. If you find yourself troubled by frequent or constant anger, try these tips on managing anger as a mom.
Related article: 9 Tips to Help Mompreneurs through Challenging Times
Tips on Managing Anger as a Mother
1. Identify Your Triggers
Even if you’re angry in general, you probably have specific things that set you off. Anger often stems from unmet needs, so try to identify them. Does the sight of dirty dishes make you go off? Perhaps you carry too much of the domestic burden in the household. Get far too irritated when your kid gets dirt on their clothes? Maybe you’re deeply afraid of your child being judged by those around you. Deal with the need – deal with the anger.
2. Step Back
If you feel yourself flying into a rage, sometimes it’s best to step back to stop yourself from lashing out at your family. Hey, adults can have time-outs too. If your trigger isn’t an emergency, give yourself space to cool down a little before addressing it. Stepping into the next room and taking two minutes to collect yourself could be the difference between a screaming match and a conversation.
3. Try Calming Techniques
Try different calming techniques to get out of that fight-or-flight state. The common suggestion is meditation, but you could also try journaling, calming music or anything else that brings you peace of mind. Remember, meditation doesn’t just have to be sitting in one spot. If you’re too busy or have trouble sitting still, try active meditation. This enables you to practice mindfulness while doing repetitive everyday tasks like showering or walking.
4. Find Healthy Ways to Express Your Anger
Do not confuse “managing” anger with “suppressing” anger. While it’s helpful to briefly suppress anger when you’re on the verge of an outburst, it’s dangerous to do it constantly. Suppressing it doesn’t make it disappear. It will just manifest itself in other emotional responses like passive-aggressive behaviour and cynicism, or physical symptoms like high blood pressure. If you keep pushing your feelings away into a bottle and never letting them out, eventually the bottle bursts.
Instead, express your anger in a healthy way. The key is to be assertive instead of aggressive. Clearly express your needs without getting hostile unless truly necessary. Next, redirect your pent-up angry energy into something that won’t harm you or those around you. You could go on a run, try boxing classes or visit a rage room.
With These Tips,
With these tips, you could be well on your way to managing your anger. If all else fails, seek help from a mental health professional like a licensed psychologist. If you have recently given birth, you can also consult your OBGYN. Sometimes uncontrolled anger is a symptom of an underlying physical or mental condition. Have you ever struggled with anger as a mom? Let us know in the comments.
Cynthia Kinyera is a freelance writer specialising in women’s wellness. She uses her easy-flowing prose and digital marketing skills to craft engaging high-converting content. Find out more about her work at cynthiawrites.com.