I Hit the Wall Every Time He Pins Me Up

There is a popular phenomenon where some people have equated and tried to offend a woman who has naturally reached a particular age, as a woman who has “hit the wall”. And if she’s not married, well, then it’s a wrap in their eyes. I wanted to inspect this lazy combination of words as they have been used in these instances. The reason I believe these words are lazy, is because at times we abbreviate or truncate someone’s entire life, healing process and growth into sloppy phrases that can potentially destroy a person’s esteem or outlook on life.

When I looked to see how this phrase is otherwise used, I noticed it has been used to refer to a person experiencing a sudden loss of energy when exercising, running, or playing sports and they may feel they cannot continue; or their progress has been impacted. Interesting! With this usage a person has a goal; to complete a race or fully engulf themselves in a sport. Unfortunately, through that process, something either snatched their focus, interrupted their momentum, or discouraged their optimism to complete the task. This may or may not come as news to you, but sometimes people give up on themselves! And that giving up shows up in different ways in their life. They may stop taking care of basic responsibilities, allow the weight of the trials in life to show up on the scale, or lose some of their inspiration to excel. And that honestly can occur at any stage of a person’s life. Yes, it’s easy to say, “suck it up” or “get yourself together”, but sometimes those words do not line up with the heavy load on someone’s heart.

Now let’s connect the dots back to the gentle and sometimes aggressive insult to a woman that she is now irredeemable, undesired or a waste of existence because she has been fortunate enough to live an abundance of days on this earth.  First, it is OK to prefer the person you desire and to not be attracted to who you are not attracted to. That’s fair. But what is not OK, in my opinion, is for you to attempt to intrude into a wall with a trojan horse that is full of words that leak negativity. It is also arrogant to think you hold the monopoly on a woman’s ability to grip the handlebars and get back in the race. You don’t get to decide where she feels accomplished or where she gains a sense of victory in her race.  If you do use that phrase, you may want to inspect yourself to uncover the deeper reason that you may feel the need to downplay someone else’s worth. You may discover that there is something within you that is suffering a bit, and the way you feed that starving wound is to project onto someone else. As Jack Nicholson famously said in the movie A Few Good Men “You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.”

Let’s try to lessen the temptations we sometimes have to see walls that don’t exist, knock down walls that need to stand or create walls where there is no need for boundaries. If you are a seasoned woman who has ever heard this or have allowed yourself to involuntarily adopt this philosophy, I challenge you to be reminded that you are not defined by people who did not create you; or do not have any intimate investment in your upliftment. The love of your life will see you, adore you and want to gently build your Spirit if it ever waivers. So, the next time you hear someone refer to you as a woman who has “Hit the Wall”, giggle with a glow and remind yourself that YOU, your child, and the man who has absorbed your heart into his, will pin your picture up on the wall with pride. 

Ené Kneya is a writer and founder of publishing company, Ené Kneya, LLC. Ené Kneya is a mom of a wonderful son that inspires her to continue doing great things! Her faith fuels her daily. When she is not writing, Ené Kneya is teaching, a passion that started at five-years-old. She would use stuffed animals as students to practice her lesson plans and public speaking. Ené Kneya is excited to share her passions and teachings through writing here on a Curvy Mom Blog! Find more of her work at https://enekneya.wordpress.com and soon on www.enekneya.com.