xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: Last year I birthed a son and a new business at the same time. My husband feels that I am neglecting my family and motherhood duties for my business. I will admit that I could be better, but all I need is 1-2 years of pure focus on my business and I could balance motherhood and entrepreneurship more successfully. He doesn’t understand and constantly makes me choose. Am I a bad mother if I choose my business first?
Answer: It sounds to me that you both never sat down and discussed the pros and cons of owning your own business (while parenting). It’s important that both parties are aware of the expectations and sacrifices that are needed to balance both family and work life. At this stage in the game, does your husband understand the demands that are needed for your business to sustain itself and if so is he okay with taking up most of the responsibilities that come with raising your child? If the answer is no (sounds like that is the case) then you need to have a serious conversation with him. Because it takes two to tango, both parties need to understand what the other person needs and wants in order to be fully present at work but most importantly at home. Find a middle ground. For example, can your husband be a part of your business? In other words, can he help you so you can help him? Again, it’s important to discuss this before going into full time work/parenting mode because you never know what dreams the other person has (i.e. your husband). That is to say, have you considered what dream job/career your husband has that may require you to sacrifice time for him? Something to ponder.
Related article: 4 Expert Tips for Starting a Business and Caring for a New Baby
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-basedinstitutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he
has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.