xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: I’m screaming to the mountain tops that I am divorced. I was with an abusive husband for over twenty years and as soon as my son went off to college I divorced him. As happy as I am to be divorced from him, I do find myself struggling to regain my confidence. I recently turned 50 as well and being divorced at fifty isn’t boosting my ego. Any tips on how to build my confidence back after 50?
Answer: There is a saying that for every year you were in your relationship you need at least 2-3 years to recuperate. In other words, I do not recommend you jumping into any new relationship without getting to know you at this stage in your life. I say that because you 20 years ago are not the same you today so you need to self-explore who you are and what you want. Confidence is something that is part of that journey and it can happen in multiple ways – the gym, new hobbies, meetup groups for single 50 year old women, etc. Remember, somewhere I read that life begins at 50!! So, look at this as beginning a new life – a rebirth!
Related article: Why You Should Wear Your Confidence (and Own It!)
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.