xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: I’m tired!!! All day, every day. I am a mom of four active boys under 10 and trying to launch my online jewelry business. I’m a stay-at-home mom so my husband feels that I should be able to manage the house, the kids with plenty of energy to spare to satisfy him. NOT! I told him that if he can help around the house with tasks, then maybe I won’t be so exhausted at night. He tries sometimes, but it’s not consistent. How do I get him to chore-play if he wants sex frequently?
Answer:
As the ‘ol saying goes: It takes two to tango! If one person is doing most of the dancing then it becomes a solo show – not a duet! We forget that marriages are also a business plan where everyone is expected to support the other mentally, physically, emotionally and financially, to just name a few. Ergo, I recommend putting together a business plan that includes home expectations, business expectations and family expectations. Each instance should be spread out fairly to not overwhelm the other. Consider using a large erasable calendar that shows who is doing what and when. Learn to manage your life in such a way that each responsibility is equally distributed so that adult time is spent 100 percent for you both!
Related article: xoSelf: I am too busy for sex, Say Goodbye to my Husband?
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.