xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: I love my mother but she is an absolute pain in my butt. Even at forty-five she still doesn’t respect my opinions or values. My family and I made the decision to move her into our home during her old age, but she’s driving me crazy. The kids and my husband love having her around – but she doesn’t respect that I am my own person now and not her little girl. How do I improve our mother-daughter relationship?
Answer: They say that every 7 years we change – mothers are no exception to this rule! I would suggest finding things that she likes (and doesn’t) and use those interests to foster love and respect. Finding things that you have in common are a great start to rekindle relationships. It also helps people to be at their most vulnerable when it comes to sharing their viewpoints and feelings when they are in a comfortable and safe space. Understanding that you two are different as time goes by is one thing but making an effort to meet in the middle so that you don’t bump heads at the end is a worthwhile endeavor.
Related article: Managing Stress Guide for Mompreneurs During the Pandemic
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.