xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf:
I am an influencer with a pretty big following. 90% of my friends would like to get into the industry and they are constantly nagging me to put them on, take them to events, write pitch emails, etc. for them. I want to set healthy boundaries, but how do I do this without seeming like I’m only looking out for myself?
Answer:
As the old saying goes – “Don’t mix business with pleasure.” There is nothing wrong with helping people and providing your professional input. However, if your services are constantly being needed by the same people over and over again. That no longer becomes a “helping my friends” situation but more or a consulting service. Friends, family, etc. that are always seeking your services but not compensating you for your time is the moment when you have to put your foot down and provide them with a written (not oral) contract that states there needs and yours and how you would like to be compensated. Sometimes compensation doesn’t always translate into money. As an alternative, you can have them “pay” you in the form of volunteering, maybe helping you with administrative stuff. This is actually a great opportunity to see what gifts and talents they have that they can provide to you!
Related article: xoSelf: Am I Pretty Enough to be an Influencer?
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.