xoSelf: How to Learn to Forgive my Son

xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.

Dear xoSelf: My son has hurt me constantly because of a sickness that he has. Last week was the final straw and I told him to leave my home. He’s twenty two and I have guided him the best I can, but he also refuses to get help. I spent many nights worrying about him and if I did the right thing. Most importantly I want to be able to forgive him and have peace with myself. How can I learn to forgive my son? 

Answer: I am assuming that this child is of age to be on his own but nevertheless allowing young boys to become men is no easy task especially if you are doing it by yourself.  Being very clear about the difference between being a parent and a guardian is a conversation that is needed with your son.  Being a parent while under your supervision is one thing but guarding and for that matter guiding your child is another.  If you are experiencing abuse on your end because of your child then I recommend you verbalize that because if he is able to express himself as such he should be able to make sound decisions as such.  Sometimes growing pains are necessary (even if they stopped “growing”).  

Related article: xoSelf: Am I a Bad Mother to Want to Build My Business First?

Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.