xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.
Dear xoSelf: Yes, I can admit that I have an anger problem. I am angry all the time and I don’t know why. My childhood was great, I have a great life, yet I’m always angry inside. On the outside I wear smiles, positivity and love, on the inside I want to scream and break something. Lately, it’s becoming hard to control and I’m lashing out at my loved ones. Is there something wrong with my emotional wellness?
Answer: I can totally relate!
Anger can be a byproduct of a lot of things – depression, anxiety, disappointment, burnout, etc. There is nothing wrong with being angry but if it’s an ongoing thing then the first thing I recommend you do is admit it! And you did, so good for you! First, understand that anger is a distraction and can prohibit you from becoming the best version of yourself. So what I recommend that you do is recognize the anger consciously but do not let it embody you. In other words, be present with that anger but don’t let it consume you or your day because nothing wastes more time than being angry, because you do not solve any problems stuck in your anger – it’s an emotion, not a strategy. Meditation, long walks, therapy, the gym and hobbies are all great band aids for anger but if you do not control it it will have long term impacts on your physical body (anger makes the heart work harder because it forces more blood to be distributed to the body for example). It will also affect your relationships, your motivation and goals. Ergo, I suggest writing down 5 things every day that you are grateful for. This will help bring balance and self-awareness of all the good that is you! I also recommend you transfer that anger into more positivity by doing such things as volunteering and/or surprising someone that you love with a random gift. Remember, if you’re angry the world will reciprocate that to you so flip the script so you can see the world less-angry!
Related article: 10 Ways to Calm Your Anxious Mind
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Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-basedinstitutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he
has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.