xoSelf: My Son is confused about his Sexuality and my husband left us…

xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.

Dear xoSelf: My sixteen year old son believes that he may be gay and also transgender. I am officially at a loss for words, but want to support him as much as I can to navigate this. I have signed him up to speak with professional people who can help me, however, my husband left because he is unable to deal. My husband is a great husband, but is very old fashioned and unable to cope with the ways of the new generation. I know that with the proper help he could too, be there for our son. But what are some ways I can help him support his son’s decision on sexuality or should I let him go for good? 

Answer: While comforting your husband is very important, it is not the priority at this time.   Remember, your son is going to transition into a new world and the old world will do everything and anything to make him feel ashamed.  It sounds to me that both your son and husband need professional help together in order for their relationship to sustain.  While you are just as important (especially in coping with this new transition), all parties need to sit down and speak to each other in a safe and non-judgemental space.  I say that because dad, whatever his beliefs and morals are, needs to understand that if this is not resolved today it will have negative impacts later in life and therefore affect every party involved in one way or another (i.e. future relationships with your son, your husband’s emotional intelligence may be impacted, etc.).   As cliche as this sounds – love is the answer.     

Related article: Managing Stress Guide for Mompreneurs During the Pandemic

Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based
institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he
has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.