xoSelf: Should my Biological Father Walk me Down the Aisle

xoSelf (short for Love Yourself)) is a weekly advice series where women can anonymously seek advice on topics about relationships, work, finding themselves or life challenges. xoSelf is responded to by educator & life coach Dr. Walter Hidalgo.

Dear xoSelf: I’m getting married next year! I am super excited and will tell anyone who listens. There is a damper on my parade. My mother remarried and I am super close to my step-dad, closer than to my own father. My father was absent for most of my early life, but he has been very active these last two years. We speak constantly, hangout and have a good relationship. However, my stepfather has been my dad. He has been there from the beginning to now and I respect that. I want him to walk me down the aisle, but everyone feels my father is entitled to do it because he’s my “biological dad”. Should my biological father walk me down the aisle? 

Answer: Sharing anything about your life especially if it’s good news is always a chance that we take. Remember, we live in a world where people judge and critique you in everything that you do, especially in public forums like social media. That is to say, be mindful as to what and whom you share your energy with. So many H.A.T.E.R.S. (Having A Tough Experience Recognizing Self) makes it challenging to see the bright side of any situation. Ergo, brush them off and keep them at a distance as you prepare for your celebration and when that time comes to “share” you will already be on your way to “……and they lived happily ever after!” 

Related article: Our Engagement Story, Plus Expecting

Dr. Walter Hidalgo is an educator and coach. He has a master’s of arts in Church History and Sociology from Union Theological Seminary at Columbia University and a doctorate from New York Theological Seminary where his focus was on the intersectionality between Hip-hop culture and socio-spiritual movements. He has taught in universities, high schools, prisons, not-for-profit organizations, and faith-based institutions from all over the world. And finally, he is the author of the critically acclaimed book, “Beyond the Four Walls: The Rising Ministry and Spirituality of Hip-hop” where he has worked with numerous Hip-hop artists, educators, and youth from all over the world to create spaces of fun and empowerment.